This is why it’s important to mindfully tune into your man and determine where he is in that particular moment.įor example, is he engaging in lots of kissing and foreplay? Does he seem to be touching you a lot? This is an indication that your bottom is looking for an emotional buildup before reaching its full crescendo.Ĭonsider this your cue to take your time and not be overly aggressive. The answer to this question may not reveal itself until the two of you start playing. While you may be in the mood to penetrate, that doesn’t mean your guy is also feeling it. It will show him you care about what is to come in a way that sends a positive mindful message. It doesn’t hurt to manscape and groom yourself in a way that is pleasing to your bottom. If the answer is yes and you are in the mood to top, make sure you take the time to clean yourself properly. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, provided the both of you are down with an alternative activity. Most bottoms will be able to detect if you’re feeling it and if the experience is genuine. Do you feel like topping is your mind elsewhere? If the answer is no and you are just looking to release, don’t force yourself to top your man. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.īefore anything can happen, it is important for you to check your mood. Some of these suggestions may strike you as common sense while others will cause you to pause and reflect. The material that you are about to read comes to us from readers who identify as bottoms, combined with wisdom from tops who actively engage in mindful based sex.
Tracing its roots back to ancient Buddhism, mindfulness teaches people how to live in the moment and be one with their environment. You may be wondering what that term – mindfulness – means? Well, mindfulness is nothing more than a state of awareness that focuses your total span of awareness on the here and now.
In the past, we’ve offered readers who are interested in bottoming suggestions on how to ride a guy the right way and avoid pain.īecause of interest in this topic, we’ve decided to explore the other of the dynamic through the lens of psychology, specifically borrowing from the school of mindfulness. Part of this has to do with a machismo factor on the part of some gay men and part of it relates to simply not knowing the basics. While many guys identify a top men according to some of the existing research, few are aware of technique, form and style. “so the idea that some early life developmental experience that happened in the womb has a direct impact on someone’s sex role behavior decades late… seems potentially a little too simplistic and we certainly don’t have demonstrative evidence that that sort of scenario is indeed the case.If you are looking for tips on being a better gay top, you wouldn’t be alone. “Sex role identity development is a complex process that unfolds over decades,” he says. But VanderLaan doesn’t expect to find a smoking gun, as it were. The question of right/left-handedness is particularly useful, he says, as its evident very early on in life and is generally not affected by social or cultural mores. “What’s interesting about this work is even among a group of individuals who are pretty similar in terms of their sexual preference-that is, gay men preferring men-there could be a diverse set of processes that lead them to exhibit that same sexual orientation outcome,” study author Doug P. Whether any of these factors is based in biology is hard to pin down: A man who grew up among more women may feel more comfortable expressing what is stereotyped as a “feminine” sex role. There was also a correlation between between being versatile and having older sisters. The studies also found that non-right-handed men were more likely to be bottoms in actual practice rather than personal preference, while fraternal birth order was more linked to preference. While the survey found bottoms identified as being more gender-nonconforming, they were also more likely to be left-handed and to have more older brothers. They were further questioned about how gender-conforming they were as children, whether they were left or right handed, and the number and type of siblings they had.